So. I know I'm about to get my ass handed to me here. But since I've been trying to make this work for 3 hours I may as well take my punches from you guys.
I use Ethereum Wallet; that's where I have my ETH - I don't really like web wallets and the like. And it's been clunky for years, but now it's completely non-operational...
I run it on Windows. (Please save your breath and mine with the 'Install Linux, Problem Solved' answers. Though I know they'll come anyways.)
So, Ethereum Wallet wants to update geth to 1.8.23. Problem is, the archive it downloads tells me that the MD5 is wrong. "Update geth manually". - Well, I can't really get it to accept a manual update. I looked into the files and it looks like the .json file still lists the MD5 from 1.8.21 for Windows x64. (All the other versions are correct.)
I restored my configuration before I tried to update and now it's running with geth 1.8.15, but not connecting to anyone.
geth is running as a process, but still, no matter what; light mode, full mode, whatever - it won't sync; right now it's in "Remote" mode, and has been "Waiting for blocks..." for an hour.
Yes, all ports are open; I've used Ethereum Wallet for years; it was just this update situation where it now has stopped working.
A new fresh install on another computer still gives the geth update error, and won't sync. So it seems its working "as designed".
I read another post here where someone said that Ethereum Wallet "not working well" is a "good thing" because of some decentralization/open source reason. Is this ... actually intended behavior or something? Is my eth trapped in there now? (I know you can't really export keys from the Ethereum Wallet; I do have my passwords and backups of course but I don't think they can go into anything else.)
What am I supposed to be using these days? (Obviously not Ethereum Wallet or Mist.) If so, how am I supposed to get my ETH out of this mess?
Time for y'all to be brutal, so do your worst. It after all is the reddit crypto sub way.