Bill Gates said, “The way cryptocurrency works today money is spent on bitcoin instead of laptops. It’d be good to get rid of that.”

In a recent fax machine message, noted laptop monger Bill Gates lamented the popularity of cryptocurrencies. “Bitcoin doesn’t do anything. It makes no sense. With two trillion dollars they could have bought a laptop that can sometimes run Excel without crashing.”

Warren Buffet, replying via telegram, (the paper kind) said, “agreed. Investment should be limited to assets we already own. Preferably those that existed before I wore Depends. For consumer safety.”

In recent congressional testimony Securities and Exchange Commission chairman Gary Gensler said, “consumer safety is my number one goal. Consumer safety means only allowing investment in assets that big political donors own. This ensures future donations so that I can safely ignore consumers.”