How to become a crypto analyst

After analyzing topics and news items since I started with crypto (Oktober 2021, I'm so blessed), I think I can become the next 'crypto analyst'. I've learned so much!

Rule no.1

Make a lot of predictions. Like every week. When a coin goes down, mention that it sounds like we've hit the bottom. When a coin goes up, write a post about that we've reached the top. At a later moment in your career, you can always let people start a news item with: Crypto analyst ..., who has nailed the bottom of ... in november 2022...

Rule no.2

Write about all the possibilities in one post. Something like: Looking at the charts and the recent gains, most likely we'll have a small or a large correction. However, if the bulls can break ..., we'll go north. If the market stays relatively calm, we might see sideways behavior for a few more days. This way you're always right!

Rule no.3

If coins go down by 95%, write about how it was pumped before and blame technology and the community. If afterward, the same coin goes up to 20% of its ATH, make predictions of 50-100x, tell how much you have invested, and that you'll buy more if its price drops again.

Rule no.4

Make use of famous people. If Elon Musk farts, make a post about how it affected Doge.

Pretty sure you guys can think about more rules on how to become a successful crypto analyst!