Tattooing cold wallet seed phrase

Hi, I am looking for a way to store my seed phrase that fulfils both of the following conditions: (1) if I suddenly have to be on the run to escape some natural disaster or war, I will necessarily have it with me and won't lose it because I forget to/have no chance to grab it, (2) bad guys can't easily access it.

One option that fulfils both conditions seems to be to tattoo it onto my shaft in a way such that it is only readable when the shaft is in an excited state (otherwise the words are folded in/squished). This fulfils condition (1) because I always have my shaft on me. It also fulfils (2) because even if I am captured by some bad guys and tied up physically, they can't control my mental state, which is what determines whether the seed phrase is visible.

I am new to Bitcoin so many there are drawbacks to this approach that I haven't considered, so I would appreciate it if you could be the devil's advocate and let me know of any potential problems you see with this approach.

Thanks a lot!