I think my girlfriend is a Chinese spy

Pretty sure my girlfriend is a Chinese spy.

Hear me out. She's been spreading FUD for some time. Constantly she tries to have me unload my crypto and begs me not to put any more money in... Seems awfully... Chinese governmenty to me.

The Chinese regulators banned cryptocurrency in May for the 51st time since 2013, and rightfully, the bears panicked as 51 is also the number of times they bang their heads on the fixtures around their homes every day... A clear sign that crypto was in trouble. My girlfriend was concerned as I bought the dippiest dips in this period. "What if it never goes back up?!" She would say... "what if you lose money". Of course, I ignored her and DCA'd right into that dip, then went and had dippy eggs and soldiers for breakfast to celebrate my dippy discounts.

Given that she also loves Kung Pao Chicken and dumplings, I feel certain that she's an undercover operative working on getting me out of crypto. I've decided to stay in the relationship, as an undercover agent myself. I'll be sure to report anything I find.