Weekend Update with Invest07723

Hi! This is the Weekend Update, and I'm Invest07723.

Here is the news:

1. SBF pleaded Not Guilty to Fraud charges. He continues to be out on $250M bond. Additionally, his lawyers are asking the court to keep their hands off of his Robinhood shares. Those are his shares he claims, bought fair and square. Not sure why nobody posted about the Not Guilty plea or the Robinhood shares. I've literally seen zero posts about it this week.
2. A new shitcoin built on Solana has got shillers all excited. A doggy-related coin can't fail. I'm almost convinced to trade all of my BTC for it. Almost.
3. Speaking of BTC, there were some amazing predictions posted this week. Some people predicted BTC would explode. Others predicted it would continue on its year-long trend down. A bunch of other people boldly predicted the chart would move to the right. Oddly enough, nobody predicted it would move to the left.
4. Rumors are making the rounds that Huobi might go under. Beloved human by this sub, Justin Sun, has apparently sent about $200M of his own stable coins onto the exchange after massive withdrawals from customers of their crypto. When asked about this, Sun told reporters, "These aren't just stable coins. These are SuperGlue stable coins. It's literally impossible for them to depeg, as they are glued to the U.S. dollar."
5. Aunt Cathie is buying up COIN. When interviewed by the Financial Times, Cathie said, "Hey, I'm still better than Cramer."
6. The United States government issued a warning to banks this week about the risks associated with the cryptocurrency market. A spokesperson for the government said, "Crypto is bad. Don't buy crypto. It's bad. M'kay."

Well, that's the Weekend Update, folks. Sorry, we didn't have time this week to talk about Celsius, Binance U.S.'s quest to buy Voyager's crypto, the Winklevoss triplets (there is a 3rd secret brother), or a whole host of other important crypto stuff. But feel free to check out the news and DYOR about those things.

Thanks everyone and see you next week! Follow me for more stupid posts like this.

This is Invest07723 saying that's all for now, folks.