What if It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia did an episode on crypto...

I got to thinking that it's surprising there hasn't been an It's Always Sunny episode about crypto so here it goes:

Charlie finds a phone in the alley while throwing out a trashbag full of vanquished rats. He opens it up and sees Kraken which he thinks is an app to buy crabs and nuts and other crackable delicacies. He accidently buys SHIB right before the pop thinking he was picking the SHIP that catches the crabs. He becomes a millionaire overnight.

After seeing Charlie's success, Mac and Dee FOMO in at the top. SHIB proceeds to dump and they sell low to recoup what little money they have left. Not realizing they have to pay gas fees, they also end up losing the money they were able to pull out.

Seeing Mac and Dee get swindled, Frank and Dennis decide to create a meme coin to pump and dump.They call it Birdcoin to trick people into thinking it's Bitcoin and also to make fun of Dee. Meanwhile they find out the Chinese fish shop across the street is actually just a cover for an illegal Bitcoin farm. Frank uses his business connections in China to turn Paddy's into a farm because he wants to push out the fish shop and "Asian's know how to do all that nerd crap".

Mac and Dee make deals with Frank and Dennis for a percentage of the profits. Mac and the guys from Ass Kickers United will renovate Paddy's and Dee will pretend to be Chinese, infiltrate the illegal farm, and steal their crypto "plans"... Whatever that means. A week later Birdcoin is in the top 10. Frank and Dennis pull the rug and convert to Bitcoin. They're instant billionaires. Frank and Dennis go put deposits down on yachts because whoo-res love boats and of course... "the implication".

As they're off signing the paperwork on their new yachts, Cricket breaks in to Paddy's to steal the copper wire out of the mining rigs. The rigs begin to overheat and a fire breaks out. Paddy's burns to the ground taking with it the only piece of paper with Frank and Dennis's seed phrase. Or so they think... It turns out Mac had made a backroom deal with the Chinese fish shop to steal the seed phrase because he wants to play both sides.

Frank and Dennis return to an empty wallet and a smoldering Paddy's. Mac goes to pick up his money from the Chinese and arrives to a vacant, boarded up fish shop. It turns out the owners were playing him. They sold the shop and returned to China with Dennis and Frank's Bitcoin in hand. Meanwhile Dee has gotten blackout drunk and slept with the guy who sweeps up the severed fish heads, again.

As Frank, Dennis, Mac, and Dee stand in front of what used to be Paddy's in silence, Charlie walks up smiling holding several boxes of pizza and a VHS of Thundergun. He explains that right before the pop he traded his SHIB to buy pizza because The Waitress said she'd come over for dinner and a movie. She didn't actually show up because she just wanted to make Charlie waste his money so now he's stuck with a bunch of cold pizza. Charlie offers them a slice and asks what had happened while he was gone. They all turn and look at him in shock while he munches away on some Little Ceasers. Right before Dennis let's loose a blood curtling scream we cut to credits. Cue the music.

And that's it. Rob and Glenn, if you're reading this feel free to use it.